For those interested, my lab results are back (warning: bizarre medical info to follow).
Let’s start with the good news:
My alkaline phosphatase level (calcium in the blood – a cancer marker) dropped by 127 IU/L. Of course, it had gone up 145 IU/L when measured on the previous test. Let’s just call it even and be happy, okay?
Next, you might want to take cover.
My testosterone level (which, thanks to Lupron, was at 4 ng/dL before I started this new treatment), is currently at:
Yes, you read that right. I am swimming in a deep sea of raging male hormones right now.
I had a doctor tell me recently that even off Lupron (note to self: do an exposé blog post on Lupron soon) my testosterone level would never return to normal.
He was right. We just blew right past normal (for a guy my age, normal is 400) and moved on to completely frickin’ amazing.
My oncologist had wanted my T-level to rise to between 800-1,000 ng/dL.
I think we nailed it this time.
Apparently, ingesting testosterone along with my popcorn (see last week’s blog) did the trick. I may never eat popcorn again, though.
Jealous much, you guys?
Don’t be. Read on.
There are dangers lurking in high testosterone land, as it turns out:
“However, high testosterone men are more likely to report one or more injuries, more likely to consume five or more alcoholic drinks in a day, more likely to have had a sexually transmitted infection, and more likely to smoke.”
Don’t forget the possibility of flying jet fighters into high-rise office buildings, Arnold wanted me to add.
Seriously, what am I missing? The list above seems pretty normal to me. Can’t I just stay here in the 999 club?
Apparently not. The not so good news is that my PSA is up – way up. It increased 50% to 1,200 ng/mL (normal levels are between 0-4).
This increase took place within the time frame of two weeks. <insert expletive here>
So now it’s time to get the bi-polar swing going again and get off the juice. Let’s fake out my cancer by flooding and then baking it. Rinse and repeat. You know the drill.
We are holding out hope that this swing in my T-levels will cause my cancer cells to stand up, take notice, freak out, and die.
Either that, or they will immensely enjoy the testosterone feast we are providing them.
Even if that’s true, I will never go back to this again:
So what does it feel like to have a testosterone level of 1,000 (rounding up slightly for effect)?
Sadly, I don’t know. The other bit of bad news is I am severely anemic again and therefore incredibly fatigued and exhausted.
I might be the only guy in the world with a testosterone level of 1,000 that all he can do is sit semi-comatose on the couch waiting for Monday to come.
Yes, Monday @ 8am, I am scheduled for another double blood transfusion. This will be my third. It looks like this is going to be a monthly ritual.
I’m going to start doing these myself in my garage to save money.
They do bring me back to life, though – for a month.
My bone marrow, it seems, has simply had enough of the cancer, chemo, and radiation regime it’s been serving under. It’s protesting by refusing to make enough red blood cells to support my testosterone-packed body.
Not enough red blood cells = not enough oxygen in my body = wicked fatigue.
I’m all dressed up with no place to go.
Have you noticed that life is crazy like this?
I’ve finally got more testosterone in me than a stallion, but, because of the fatigue from the anemia, it is hard for me to get off the couch.
The irony of this reality sucks.
I would like my life back, please.
So here I sit on the couch in this new place where my soul doesn’t want to be.
There is nothing to do except make my peace with being still, being loved and being His.
Monday can’t come soon enough.
P.S. How was the French Toast loaf, those of you who didn’t have heart attacks?
P.P.S. Thanks to those of you who sent me questions, both funny and serious, last week. Keep them coming.
© Ed Hague. All rights reserved.