Dear Prostate Cancer,
May I call you “PC”? Since you moved into my body and unceremoniously invaded my life, I’ve realized I haven’t been very hospitable to you. My deepest apologies. After receiving my most recent labs and scans back, I have noticed, shall we call it, a reticence on your part to show yourself. Oh, you’re still with me, they say, but you seem to be keeping your head down and staying out of sight.
Reflecting back on the last year and a half, I think I can understand why. Since you moved in:
- I have starved you by taking away your favorite food – my testosterone. I know this has upset you. A lot. Rest assured – I have also missed it. My testosterone and I used to have a lot of fun together.
- I have radiated you.
- I have napalmed you when you tried to take over my bones.
- I and many others have rained down imprecatory thoughts and prayers against you night and day.
It’s no wonder you’re feeling a little shy and unwelcome these days. Perhaps you are somewhat tired and worn out as well. You thought when you moved in that you would simply have the run of the place, didn’t you? Instead, I’ve made life pretty miserable for you, hoping you would take the hint and cast yourself into a herd of pigs.
Since you have refused to leave, as a token of my good will, let me make my lack of hospitality up to you. I feel badly for how I’ve treated you and want to extend some kindness your way. Would it be okay if I threw you a little party? That’s right. It would be in your honor and you wouldn’t have to do a thing. I’ll make all of the arrangements. Trust me, it would be no trouble whatsoever.
I am already working on a guest list that includes all your old friends:
- Eligard (far left) – the woman who has been starving you for the last year and a half
- Zometa (2nd from right) – the girl who stops by once a month to tell you to get the hell out of my life and then works to clean up the mess you have made of my bones
- Xtandi (far right) – the new gal who has been knocking at your door every morning to chase you down and strangle you
These girls are so much looking forward to seeing you, PC. Oh, but I almost forgot. There’s a fourth girl, isn’t there? It just wouldn’t be a party if she wasn’t here also, would it? Well, guess what? I have a BIG surprise for you! I contacted her yesterday and not only can she come to the party, she said she would be happy to stay for a while afterwards – say, for about 6 months?
I’m sure you remember her. She is the woman in the photo above wearing the pearls. Just look at her. So warm and inviting. So much wanting to sit down next to you and spend some personal time with you. Do you remember when she was here last? You said she was incredibly hot! And she told me she enjoyed visiting with you so much. It was like the two of you just became a ball of flames together!
I warned her that you were feeling a little shy these days, perhaps due to the intensity of her last visit. She assured me, though, that she would take the initiative to come to you again wherever you are on my bones and treat you just the way she did last time she was here. If you remember, you just melted in her arms. In case you’ve forgotten her, perhaps her name will ring a bell with you:
Yea, that’s right, PC. Xofigo is coming to the party, along with all the other ladies as well. Aren’t you thrilled? When I told her you still hadn’t left my place completely and were tearing stuff up again, she was very excited about dropping back in. Isn’t that great? PC? PC, why has all the color left your face? Why, you’re as white as a ghost! No, no, don’t get up and run off. She’s so looking forward to seeing you again!
Oh, and there’s one more thing. Apparently, Xofigo has a new friend under development as well. You’ll be so excited to meet her when she’s ready to get out and about more. Word has it, she’s a little more loose than Xofigo and will come to you any place you are in my body, even if it isn’t on my bones. She’s so irresistible, you just won’t be able to get away from her! I so look forward to the two of you also spending some quality time together.
It’s early on, but some are even using the “C” word when they describe this new girl. You know the word, don’t you? CURE. For you, think of her as the “E” word. EVICTION – as in get the hell out of my body.
Until then, what do you say? Let’s have a party with my ladies, PC. I’m still making travel arrangements for Xofigo’s return visit, so sit tight for a bit – unless something pressing has come up and you just can’t stay. Otherwise, we’re coming for you, you bastard.
Either way, I’m good.
P.S. For those of you who want to get up to speed on how Xofigo (an alpha-emitting radio-pharmaceutical) impacted my prostate cancer the first time she came to visit, click here: http://wedonotloseheart.com/how-are-you-feeling/. Note: Xofigo was called “Alpharadin” back then. She has now been approved for a return visit to my bones. I couldn’t be more thrilled!